Résumé

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.

-Dorothy Parker

Most of the time it's only by sheer force of will that I get myself out of bed in the morning and drag me into work.

I really do have to get my résumé updated.